Life happened again.
When life happens, priorities change and our focus moves away from some things. This time, writing was one of them. In the midst of sheer chaos, something has to give. For months, the battle of addiction has been like an attack of the plagues on all our lives. The first day, the locusts hit, the next day was a skin irritation, and the next day and the next day. The difference was there was no ‘letting my people go’ at the end. The people were stuck in some sort of bumper car ride gone wrong, with no brake or steering wheel.
I have never had an addiction in my life. We joke about my best friend, Ice Cream- but seriously, it is not the same. Having never had an addiction, I concede that I do not understand it, at all. I also concede that I have put little effort into gaining more wisdom on the subject. I have the stats down, but the internal battle one faces, the conflict, the guilt, the remorse- I am at a loss.
Part of the problem is the life I have led. I grew up under difficult circumstances of abuse. I was a very young single mother, and I had my life flipped upside down when my fiancée collapsed with a head injury. I began marriage with a tumultuous start in a Brady Bunch scenario. In true fashion, I made some textbook choices in adolescence, followed by irrational decisions in my young adult life.
Yet, through this made for TV story, I have come out the other side victorious. I am not tooting my own horn here. I am only victorious through Jesus Christ. Young girls similar to me do not always have this outcome. For the grace, forgiveness, mercy, and love of Jesus, I am eternally grateful.
So when the truth of addiction began to infiltrate the world I thought secure, I quickly became overwhelmed. Addiction is a liar. It tells you one thing while living another. Actually, addiction is pure evil. It is fueled by the most negative thoughts we can fill ourselves with. Where Jesus came to give abundantly, evil came to kill, steal, and destroy. One way Satan has found to succeed is by use of addiction.
Jesus can take our deepest pains, and still bring about something beautiful in the end. Satan takes our deepest pains, and turns the knife to create a deeper wound. Then he pours a bottle of numb and creates this false bandage. He does that only after encouraging someone to drink into blindness. In this, they never see what he is truly perfecting in their life- devastation, shame, regret, loneliness, loss. While this list can go on and on, my patience cannot.
Rocked with uncertainty, I endure change I did not ask for, but willingly accept. Gone are the evenings of writing multiple blogs, or adding a chapter a night to the book in process. Gone are the long Calgon took me away baths. In their place are story times, game nights, Lego building, movie watching, and homework doing.
I do this now in hopes that addiction will lose, and the warrior in my daughter will rise and begin to fight back. I wonder tonight, does she know whom she is fighting? More importantly, does she have any idea who is fighting this battle for her, in her? Is she aware of the Mighty Name that is waiting for her call? Beautifully tattooed on the palm of God, she is worthy.
She may try to move away from Him, but he will never let her go. With all the power I have as a daughter of the King, the GREAT I AM, I will never stop fighting on my knees on her behalf. I have no problem going toe to toe with Satan either. I have done it before, and I will do it again.
There is no fear here, and I consider it pure JOY whenever I face trials of many kinds, because I know the testing of my faith develops perseverance. That’s right Satan, you will never steal my joy. (James 1:2-3)